SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE

Day 200 of the apocalypse. You roll over in bed, yawn, pick up your phone. The news: bad. 600 more cases today. Air quality still awful - looks like all that dust from the bushfires isn’t settling down any time soon. You get up, stand in front of the closet. What are you going to wear today? [[Keep it practical|That's nice]] - N95 mask, long sleeves, ski goggles, balaclava, steel caps, cargo pants with extra pockets for hand sanitizer, pocket knife, thermometer, and tissues. [[Mad max halloween costume|That's nice2]] from two years ago, assless chaps included. Apocalypse babyy!! [[Onesie and uggs|That's nice]] - it’s safest to stay inside these days. Your sharpest [[two piece suit.|That's nice]] If not now then when, right!

That’s a nice idea, but maybe you should put on your work uniform? What, you thought you could lift your nose from the grindstone of capitalism for a minute because there’s a apocalypse going on? Not likely! Turns out, low-paid casual service station attendants are essential, and you can’t afford to lose your job. Hurry up, you’re going to be late. Fine. I’ll put on my [[work uniform.]]

You put on your uniform and head out the door. As usual, you’re running on a tight schedule; you start in 15 minutes. It’ll take you 16 minutes to ride your bike, or 5 to get there by car, assuming your car still works. [[Ride your bike.]] [[Drive your car.]]

Ok... that’s a nice idea, but maybe you should put on your work uniform? What, you thought you could lift your nose from the grindstone of capitalism for a minute because there’s a pandemic going on? Not likely! Turns out, low-paid casual service station attendants are essential, and you can’t afford to lose your job. Fine. I’ll put on my [[work uniform.]] But I really want to wear those [[assless chaps.]] Why not have a bit of fun?

You put on your mad max costume. That studded leather vest, those CHAPS. Just because it’s the apocalypse doesn’t mean you’re not going to have a GREAT DAY. What do you want to do now? Make a [[cup of coffee.]] Head out to [[your verandah]] to get some morning sun.

You put the coffee pot on the stove, and turn on the radio to listen to the news. It’s filled with advice that’s getting pretty old at this point. Not that it’ll stop any time soon… Wash your hands, wear a mask, don’t forget to get your brakes cleaned and change your oil every 500km because of the dust… Your coffee is brewed and you take the steaming cup outside to get some vitamin D. Go outside to your [[your verandah.|your verandah]]

You head out the front door. There’s not a lot of vitamin D to be had what with all the dust. You bend over to blow the red layer off of your wilting plants. A gust of wind comes along and fills your buttcrack with dust. [[Go back inside.|inside]]

Who knew assless chaps weren’t an appropriate apocalypse outfit? You stand in the shower, rinsing your bum crack under the trickle of water. That... sucked. Try again [[tomorrow.|Day 1.2]] Exit the game and [[go reminisce over the days]] when the apocalypse was just a (very homoerotic) fantasy.

Day 201 of the apocalypse. You roll over in bed, yawn, pick up your phone. The news: still bad. 628 new cases, AQI still in the 200s. You put on your work uniform and head out the door. As usual, you’re running on a tight schedule; you start in 15 minutes. It’ll take you 16 minutes to ride your bike, or 5 to get there by car, assuming your car still works. [[Ride your bike.]] [[Drive your car.]]

You dash back inside for your helmet and light - it’s dark even though it’s mid morning. You jump on your bike and start to pedal. You’re probably going to be late anyway... stop for a coffee? Yes, [[coffee.]] No, [[try be on time.]]

You duck back inside for your car keys and squeegee - you’ll have to wipe down the windshield and clear the air vents before you can drive anywhere. That done, you jump in and turn the key. The car does not start. [[Open the bonnet.]] Fuck it. Jump on [[your bike.|Ride your bike.]]

Sweet. You skid to a stop at the coffee shop on the corner. One oat milk flat white you say, fishing your keep cup out of your backpack. “Sorry, it’s takeaway cups only, because of the apocalypse. And... there’s no oat milk -” “Because of the apocalypse!” The barista cringes as though you’re about to yell. Do you: Make [[a joke]] to show them you’re chill. “At least we’re not out of coffee beans!” [[Tell the barista]] way too earnestly that they're doing a great job.

Ok, no coffee for you. You pedal briskly down the road. They’re probably still waiting on oat milk to arrive from the eastern states anyway, and you decide you are NOT in the mood for a soy flattie these days. As you pass the coffee shop on the corner your conviction wavers: Actually… all right. Stop for a [[coffee.]] [[Be on time!]] Don’t start the day having to apologise to your boss (again).

How do you even open the bonnet... found it! You pull a small lever next to your seat and jump out to take a look. Wow... you do not know anything about cars. What you can say with confidence is that it looks pretty dusty in there. Probably not safe to drive, even if it did start. You nod wisely at your decision. Jump on [[your bike.|Ride your bike.]]

You arrive at work right on time. You say good morning to your boss and they give you a few jobs to get done. What do you feel like doing first? Tidy up the [[fruit stand!]] [[Restock the fridge.|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]]

That’s not a very funny joke. The barista smiles weakly, “Yeah… for now...” You try to smile in return, realising how wild it is that a pandemic climate disaster apocalypse hasn’t interrupted your relationship with coffee, aka liquid gold, aka nutritionless beans grown for you in developing nations. You think the words ‘late-stage capitalism’ probably mutter something about how wild this is, and something about wealth. The barista gently prompts you back to the conversation: “I can do you a soy milk instead?” Soy?! (Beans! Aaargh!) You order a long black. Now you’re really late for work. Drink it [[here?]] [[Take it with you]] on your bike.

You start a sentence that ends in you telling the barista that they’re your hero. It’s quite embarrassing. “Thanks mate, you must really love coffee.” They give you a weird look, and then relax, and nod at you in your service station uniform, saying, “Never thought people like us would be essential workers hey.” “Yeah, really makes you think about wealth, that’s for sure.” The barista looks curious. “I’ll do you a soy flattie?” You ask for a long black instead.You’re definitely late for work by the time they call your name. Do you: Drink it [[here?]] [[Take it with you]] on your bike.

You stand, sipping your coffee in silence for a minute, before the barista asks you what you meant about wealth. You try explain: “Like, the lowest paid workers are actually the people keeping things running, whereas people on big salaries for the most part can work from home. Being out here dealing with customers is a big risk to our health, and we aren’t really getting compensated for that.” Some people in suits waiting for their coffees are looking uncomfortable, but the barista nods in understanding. They think for a second, before saying, “Hey, oat milk should arrive in three days. If you’re here at 7.30am I’ll save you a carton. Give me your number and I’ll text you if anything changes.” You tell the barista your number and get them to text you, saying - if you need anything, definitely give me a call. We have to support each other. At this moment you truly believe in this idea. Of course it helps that the barista is cute. You’re definitely late. [[Ride to work.]]

You turn up at work, 5 minutes past your start time, covered in coffee. Your boss is standing behind the counter and looks unhappy, if unsurprised: “You do know you’re meant to be here on time, right?” You debate making up an excuse. Sorry! I was just [[delivering some groceries to my grandparents]] and I got a bit caught up. Sorry! I... [[stopped for coffee.]]

You’re fifteen minutes late, but you feel a bit better about the world, what with the barista’s number in your phone. Your boss isn’t looking happy but you don’t really mind. “You do know you’re meant to be on time, right?” You consider making up an excuse: Sorry! I was just [[delivering some groceries to my grandparents]] and I got a bit caught up. Sorry! I... [[stopped for coffee.]]

Your boss frowns. “You really shouldn’t be visiting anyone else while you’re working here, you know. If a customer gave you the virus you’d get through it, but you don’t want to pass it on to your grandma.” You nod awkwardly, annoyed that your boss’s idea of your health doesn’t include the health of your family. They slide you a list. “Anyway, i’m off as soon as you’re set. Here are the jobs for today.” What do you want to do first? Tidy up the [[fruit stand!]] [[Restock the fridge.|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]]

“Yeah, I can see that,” your boss says drily. “We’re all in this together, you know… Anyway, I’m off in a sec as soon as you’re set. Here’s the jobs for the day.” They slide you a list. What do you want to do first? [[Reflect on how]] much you can really be ‘in this together’ with someone who gets paid a lot more to mostly work from home while you’re here breathing in dust and coming into contact with potentially infected customers all day. Tidy up the [[fruit stand!]] [[Restock the fridge.|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]]

Really wild that the apocalypse has turned out to be less of a ‘great leveller’ and more of a ‘mechanism to expose and exacerbate the inequalities of our society’. ...You’re not sure you personally ‘thought’ this thought? but it certainly came into your head from somewhere. ‘Yeah!’ you think, ‘I should try do something about that later!’ Nice thinking! But you should probably get these other jobs done before you take down capitalism. Tidy up the [[fruit stand!]] [[Restock the fridge.|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]]

You eye off the sad looking fruit in the basket. You really shouldn’t be selling those, but you’re not sure when more fruit will be coming in. You pop on a pair of gloves, then rearrange them so all the bananas are on one side and the apples are on the other. Not much better, but it’ll do. A customer walks in to pay for petrol. They’re not wearing a mask. [[Say, “Hey!]] You can't be in here without PPE!” [[Offer them a mask]] from your employee supplies. [[Say nothing.]]

The customer rolls their eyes defiantly. “What, are you afraid I’m going to breathe on you?” That is exactly what you’re afraid of, but they’re already way too close so you just shake your head, holding your breath as they tap their card. “Wow! Petrol hasn’t been this cheap since I was a kid!” They say happily, as though you’re meant to forget the whole no-mask thing. [[Glare at them.]] [[Reply politely.]]

You offer them a mask. “Nah man,” they say, “I don’t believe in that shit. You know what this is? Government mind control. If it’s really the apocalypse, then why is petrol so cheap? You know why? It’s so you have more money to buy 5G.” “Okay, just [[please wear a mask]] so i don’t get in trouble?” “Uhh, [[I mean I think petrol is cheap]] because there’s not a lot of demand, what with the stay at home orders, plus the dust thing...”

You hold your breath as they walk up, pay, and leave the shop. You take your gloves and mask off, wash your hands, glen 20 everything in their path, and don new PPE. Sigh. What do you want to do now? [[Rearrange the toilet paper pyramid.]] [[Inflate a glove]] and draw a little face on the thumb.

They don’t seem to notice your icy stare, and tap their card, then head out of the shop. You take your gloves and mask off, wash your hands, glen 20 everything in their path, and don new PPE. What now? [[Rearrange the toilet paper pyramid.]] [[Inflate a glove]] and draw a little face on the thumb.

“Yeah, if nobody’s going anywhere, and cars aren’t working too great anyway, there’s not a lot of demand.” They shake their head, smiling, and slide a slip of paper across the counter with a very conspiratorial wink. “That’s what they want you to think,” they say, and then leave the shop, whistling the X-files theme song on their way out the door. Where do you put the flyer? [[Bin it.]] [[Leave it on the counter]] for now.

You put the flyer in the bin, at the exact second the customer is walking back into the shop. “Thought I should get some toilet paper while there’s -” They stop, noticing your sheepish expression, and then the flyer in the bin. They walk up to you - very close. Way too close. You’re frightened. They spit into your face, grab a pack of toilet paper, and walk out. You stand, blinking. You slowly take off your ppe, wash your hands and face with handsoap, and then text your boss: ‘Got spat on by anti-masker, going to go tested, may have to self-isolate for a bit. Pls get someone in to cover ASAP.’ You stand by the counter holding your things, dazed, until your co-worker shows up. You go and get tested, walk home, sit on your couch, and let out a big sigh. What would you like to do? Keep playing - go to your [[next shift at work.|NEXT DAY]] Join your friends later in the week for [[zoom drinks.]]

You leave the flyer on the counter, which is lucky because the customer immediately pops back in for some toilet paper. “Might sell this on the black market later.” You hold your breath and roll your eyes as they tap their card again. When they’re really gone, You put the flyer (‘Free us from Mind Control, 5G and PPE: a non-socially distant rally’) in the bin, take your gloves and mask off, wash your hands, glen 20 everything they could have breathed on, and don new PPE. You sigh. What now? [[Rearrange the toilet paper pyramid.]] [[Inflate a glove]] and draw a little face on the thumb.

As you’re saying this you realise you know nothing about supply and demand really. Why IS petrol so cheap? The customer sees your weakness and slides a slip of paper across the counter. “Free your mind,” they whisper with a smirk. They tap their card and leave. Where do you put the flyer? [[Bin it.]] [[Leave it on the counter]] for now.

“Your mind is in trouble, man,” the customer counters, which, is maybe fair enough. They tap their card and leave. You take your gloves and mask off, wash your hands, glen 20 everything in their path, and put on new PPE. Sigh. What do you want to do now? [[Rearrange the toilet paper pyramid.]] [[Inflate a glove]] and draw a little face on the thumb.

You kick off your shoes and snuggle into your toilet paper throne. There’s really not a lot of customers these days, but you keep half an eye on the door just in case. You dial your grandparents’ house. “Baba, Yaya, how are you?... No reason, just thought I’d check in, do you need anything?... Batteries for the tv remote? Don’t go to the shops just for that! I’ll drop some in on my way home from work.... Seriously, it's no problem, see you in a few hours!” You spend the rest of the day wiping down surfaces and worrying about your grandparents. It seems impossible to talk to them about staying inside! You figure you wouldn’t like it either, but you just want them to be safe. At the end of your shift you grab a pack of double As. Head off to your [[grandparents’ house.]]

You arrive at your Baba and Yaya’s house with the batteries. “Hello! I’m here! Don’t come out, I’ll leave them at the door, you should give the packet a spray with disinfectant!” Baba opens the door, puts on a mask, and heads straight for you. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! Are you eating enough?” You realise Baba is coming in for a hug. What do you do? [[Hug your Baba.]] [[Dodge the hug!]] Remind Baba that it’s too dangerous, especially since you’re coming into contact with a lot of people at work.

You hug. Your chin rests on your Baba’s head. It’s been such a long time since you’ve had close contact with anyone. It's nice. You give Baba the batteries and head home. That night in bed, you can’t stop thinking about the hug. Is Baba hugging everyone they come into contact with? Why did you do it? Did you know humans need eight hugs a day? What can you do to make yourself feel better about this whole thing? You're really need to make sure they're being safe, and you should be setting an example. You resolve to call them more, check in every other day. Eventually you drift off to sleep. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

You side step to deflect the hug, and Baba keeps going, straight down the driveway. “Let’s go for a walk,” Baba says. You decide you will have to go for a walk with Baba, to make sure they get home safely. You’d better suggest a safe place to walk. Ok! Let’s just go for a stroll around the [[the park.]] Sure. Shall we [[go to the bakery?]] They might have those scones you like.

When you get to the park you see a small dog sprinting towards Baba. You go to stop them from patting it, but... surely dogs are safe? The owner jogs over, red-faced, and you hold up a hand to stop them getting closer. From two metres away, they say, “Hey, good thing my dog likes you, I thought they were going to escape! Actually do you mind holding my dog while I go to the bathroom?” [[“Sure,]] I guess that’s fine” [[“No, sorry,]] I’m trying to look after my baba and combined with the apocalypse that’s already kind of a lot.”

You head off towards the bakery. Hopefully you can just buy some scones and get Baba back home where it’s safe. You look at the footprints in the dust on the footpath. The sun is shining. Hey baba, you say, “[[I love you.]] I miss seeing you.” “[[Have you been]] going for a walk every day? You’re meant to stay inside.”

You try to make an excuse at the same time as Baba says, “Ok, Sure!” They pick up the leash and the owner jogs towards the toilets. You turn to ask Baba if they have been staying home like they’re meant to. Baba looks shocked and you see the dog making a run for it. [[Run after it!]] [[Stay with Baba]] to make sure they don’t touch anything else.

“Ok, sure,” you and Baba say simultaneously. You pick up the leash and the owner jogs away. Baba starts telling you about all the activities your grandparents have been doing with what sounds like every elderly person in the neighbourhood. You’re so aghast that you don’t notice the leash falling out of your hands. The dog has made a break for it. [[Run after it!]] [[Stay with Baba]] to make sure they don’t touch anything else.

You sprint after the dog, yelling over your shoulder for Baba to stay put. You come to a T junction - which way should you go? [[Go left!]] [[Go right!]]

You stand frozen, watching baba watch the dog sprint around the corner. Shit. The owner jogs back over. They ask, “Where’s my dog?” “Uhhh… Gone?” You say, at the same time as Baba says, “My grandkid lost it.” Before you can stop them, Baba grabs the owners’ arm (aargh!!) and marches in the direction the dog went. You watch them round the corner in dismay. [[Call Yaya|at home]] to say you’ve lost Baba. [[Cry.]] How are you meant to keep it together if you can’t even keep an eye on your own grandparent?

You go left, and jog along the street. You can’t see the dog anywhere... you realise you’ve lost it and stop, puffed. The dust is making it hard to breathe. You start to cry. Isn’t the apocalypse hard enough already? You head back to the park and Baba is nowhere to be seen. You sit down on the grass and cry harder. You pick up a leaf and shred it into little bits. Okay. Eventually you calm down. You get some tissues out and wipe your face and blow your nose. Okay. [[C'mon you got this!]]

You go right and immediately spot the dog peeing on a lamp post. You scoop it up under your arm and head back to the park. By the time you get back of course Baba is gone. Shit. You give the dog back to the owner. You have to find Baba. Call Yaya [[at home.|at home]] Head [[to the bakery|bakery2]].

You call your grandparents’ house and your Yaya picks up. “I’ve lost Baba... Yes I know you can get around by yourselves... Baba will come home when they are ready, okay, I know... I just want you to be safe! I know you like to be independent but getting out and about so much is really dangerous right now! Okay, see you soon.” You head back to your grandparents’ house and sit on the driveway, waiting for baba to come home. Eventually [[Baba comes home.]]

You leg it to the bakery, keeping your eye out for baba along the street. There! At the newsagent! You jog over, struggling to breathe in your mask. “Baba! I’m so glad I found you!” Baba is lifting up their mask to sniff some flowers: [[Try and stop them:]] “Baba no!” [[Ignore this latest small disaster:]] “Baba… what can I do to help you stay at home... if I skype called you more often??”

Baba harrumphs. “It’s not fair! You young people still get to be outside and go to work. You don’t understand.” Baba picks up the flowers and walks off, leaving you to pay the newsagent. You buy disinfectant while you’re at, then jog to catch up to baba, giving her a quick all-over spritz. [[Explain that you]] don’t really like being forced to work in a service station during a pandemic and feel awful that it means you can’t safely see your family, and besides you really feel you’re not being paid enough. I know it’s hard, what if I try and [[Skype call you more often.|Ignore this latest small disaster:]]?

“Okay... If you won’t come over for dinner I guess that will do.” You can tell baba is pleased under the grumpy tone. You put the flowers back and suggest getting some scones from the bakery after all. You and Baba head back home to Yaya. You tell them you love them, and that you'll talk soon. You take a couple of the scones. And you [[go home.|Home 2]]

Who are you kidding. Your grandparents grew up with free education and economic growth. They’ll never understand how much of a downer capitalism has turned out to be. You put down the flowers, buy some scones and take your baba home in silence. You say goodbye, and promise to Skype them more. You [[head home.|Home 2]]

You start to cry. Baba is gone, the dog is gone. Isn’t the apocalypse hard enough already? You sit down on the grass and cry harder. You pick up a leaf and shred it into little bits. Okay. Eventually you calm down. You get some tissues out and wipe your face and blow your nose. Okay. [[C'mon you got this!]]

“I love you too,” Baba says. “Why don’t you come over for dinner any more?” “I haven’t forgotten about you, but I can’t come over because I care about keeping you safe. Let’s have a video call tomorrow?” Baba nods, and you buy some scones and head for home. You’re not sure your baba will stay at home but at least you can make them feel less lonely. You [[go home.|Home 2]]

“No, I haven’t been going out...” Your baba looks at you sneakily. “Well, only sometimes. For exercise! Or to go to the shops? Or to get some fresh air, or visit my friends.” You sigh. Your baba stops outside the newsagent and starts to lift their mask to smell some flowers. [[Don’t touch those!!|Try and stop them:]] [[What if I try|Ignore this latest small disaster:]] and Skype call you more often?

As you leave, Baba gives you an old knitting book, some wool, and some knitting needles - just in case you were bored and wanted to try a new hobby? Baba is an avid knitter, and always keen to convert people. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/30iK5iu.png" title="source: imgur.com" width="727.2" height="520.8"/></a> You get home. You shower, washing the day off you. You're tired. Maybe you'll try some knitting tomorrow. Time to go to bed. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A collage of black and white photos from a knitting book called Winter Warmers: 40 designs for Hats, Caps, Scarves, Gloves and Mittens. There are different men, women, and children modeling the beanies. Some are wearing full face balaclavas. It's a vibe.*]

Baba arrives home, with a bag full of scones from the bakery. You start to get mad - “Baba! I've been so worried, you can't just run off like that!” Baba harrumphs. “Yes okay, maybe I overreacted, but I just want you to be safe okay? I love you.” You agree to Skype with them on the weekend, and take a couple scones when Baba offers. You [[head home.|Home 2]]

Day 200 and something of the apocalypse. You can’t face getting up just yet. You wait for your second alarm to go off before rolling out of bed. You stand in front of your closest. How about today, what would you like to wear? You have work, so your [[work uniform|work uniform 2]] seems like a good bet. A [[dark grey two piece suit]] - snazzy, and the dust will blend right in!

You know that saying that’s like, dress how you want to feel? Or dress for the job you want, not the job you have? Anyway. This suit is doing wonders. You feel fresh. You eat some muesli, brush your teeth, water your kitchen herbs (which are wilting because of the lack of sunlight these days), then head out the door. Do you really want to go [[straight to work?]] Or [[swing by the cafe|POLITICIAN DOPPELGANGER]] to get a coffee (and maybe chat to that cute barista)?

You get dressed and put some coffee on. Cornflakes or ricebubbles today, comrade? [[Cornflakes]] [[Ricebubbles]]

You make your bowl of cornflakes with some strawberries and a spoonful of sugar on top. (Everyone ate this as a child, right?) As you’re heading out the door you think, no! I do want to wear that suit. You pack your work uniform in your bag for when your boss gets mad, but for now, you feel fresh. Do you really want to go straight to [[straight to work?]] Or swing by the [[cafe|POLITICIAN DOPPELGANGER]] to get a coffee (and maybe chat to that cute barista)?

You make a bowl of ricebubbles with blueberries on top. As you’re eating it, you notice your throat is a bit scratchy. Actually, now you think about it, you really don't feel great. You're warm and clammy, and breathing feels difficult. You wish you could un-think the thought that’s just come into your brain: You are sick. You run your fingertips around the edges of your mouth. Yep, your skin is starting to blister. You have it. Do you: [[Take stock of your situation:]] You'll have to ride this out at home alone, so you should work out what you need. [[Call the hotline]] to ask if there's anything you need to know about what's coming.

Choose a song to listen to on the way: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4-1ASpdT1Y" target="_blank"rel="noopener">Venus, Bananarama.</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsZKrctSDaw" target="_blank"rel="noopener">What’s Golden, Jurassic 5.</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQliEKPg1Qk" target="_blank"rel="noopener">Boys, Lizzo.</a> You walk down the road. Yeah, you’re feelin’ yourself. You do a little spin, a couple of finger guns. Four black suvs drive past you and pull over next to the cafe. Weird. Wonder what that’s about? You actually manage to get to work on time. Your boss sees you in the suit, and chuckles. “You know, we do have a uniform. And this doesn’t mean you get out of cleaning.” They don’t seem mad about it though. Sweet. Time to [[clean the store]] I guess. [[Ask your boss]] why they’re in such a good mood?

Choose a song to listen to on your way to the cafe: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4-1ASpdT1Y" target="_blank"rel="noopener">Venus, Bananarama.</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsZKrctSDaw" target="_blank"rel="noopener">What’s Golden, Jurassic 5.</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQliEKPg1Qk" target="_blank"rel="noopener">Boys, Lizzo.</a> You walk down the road to the cafe. Yeah, you’re feelin’ yourself. You do a little spin. And maybe a couple of finger guns. Four black suvs pull over next to the cafe. People in suits hop out, and enter the cafe. You notice someone sneak out the other side of one of the cars, and hide under a tree for sneaky ciggie break. Hey, they kinda look like you. That’s funny. Oh well - you get to the cafe, say hey to the barista, and place your drink order. (It’s a different barista today - shame - you would have liked to impress with your suit). [[Long black,]] and a blueberry muffin please. [[Oat milk flat white]] please.

You sweep the floors. You go through the sanitising routine. You're reflecting on how taking an online multiple choice quiz somehow qualified you to be an apocalypse hygiene officer, when a customer enters. They seem frazzled. “Do you have any loo roll left?” You had enough to make a tp throne yesterday, but now it’s all gone. [[Go out back]] to see if you can find some spare toilet paper. [[Tell them]] you’re out of stock.

You go out back, where you see your boss loading cardboard boxes of stock into the boot of their car. That’s weird... you clear your throat, and your boss turns around, startled. They start to yell: “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be minding the store! Every single time I turn around you’re putting your nose where it shouldn’t be! You know what, you’re fired.” Ah fuck. This is bad. But at the same time, this is all very strange... “Don’t you [[need a reason]] to fire me?” “No! [[YOu’Re fired!”]]

They look disappointed, but not surprised. You feel bad for getting their hopes up. “Hey, if you want, you could leave me your number, and I can give you a call as soon as we get some back in stock?” You write their number down on a sticky note. You write TP next to it so you remember why you have it. What you should do now, the store is pretty clean, and it’s super quiet. [[Refill the chip packets.|Go out back]] [[Have a break?|Go out back]]

Your boss keeps loading the boxes, and yells over their shoulder: “Yeah, okay, here’s a reason - you’re late all the time! And here’s another reason! Why do you keep showing up in all these outfits? You know there’s a uniform!” Your boss kinda has a fair point. [[Grovel for your job.]] [[Accept your fate]] and go home.

You boss stops. Stunned. It must be the power of the suit. “Yeah”, they say, “yeah i am fired. I fire myself! I’m free! I’m going to go live in a cabin on rottnest and teach sign language to quokkas!!” They jump in their car and drive away. Okay...? Did your boss literally just rob the store? What use do quokkas have with sign language? And does this mean you're the boss now? Yeah, you're [[the boss]] now.

You start to beg, “Please, I really need this job, I promise, if you keep me I’ll never be late again. And I’ll take all the late night shifts. And I'll never complain about - anything - again. Please don’t fire me - I won’t be able to get another job.” Your boss is unimpressed. “You’re fired.” Time to [[go home|Accept your fate]] then I guess.

You grab your stuff and go back out to the front of the store. You mumble an apology to the customer who wanted toilet paper. You grab a bag of fun size snickers bars. Time to [[head home,|CENTERLINK LOOP]] I guess.

You wait for your order. You turn off your music, but leave your headphones in, hoping to overhear something interesting from the suits. All they talk about is football. They get their drinks and hop back into their respective vehicles. You get your order and go to leave. As you do so, a tinted window rolls down, and one of the suits addresses you - “It’s time to go boss.” Wait, what? Who do they think you are? [[Get in the car.]] [[Correct their mistake.]]

The barista says, “Sorry mate, you’re dreaming.” They make you a long black. You turn off your music, but leave your headphones in, hoping to overhear something interesting from the suits. All they talk about is football. They get their drinks and hop back into their respective vehicles. You get your order and go to leave. As you do so, a tinted window rolls down, and one of the suits addresses you - “It’s time to go boss.” Wait, what? Who do they think you are? [[Get in the car.]] [[Correct their mistake.]]

You sit in the back seat of the car. Okay... what have you gotten yourself into? Who are these people? Where are you going? You realise you must be projecting some of these thoughts onto your face, when the suit asks, “You alright President?” You nod. Wait. WHAT!!??? Uh. yep. Okay. President?!? You’re starting to really need to pee. You attempt to get a grip. Maybe it’s like the high-vis and a clipboard con. Maybe if you project confidence, and pretend to know what you’re doing, then everyone else will just assume you do actually know what you’re doing. The suit next to you (they look a lot younger than anyone else: maybe an intern?) turns to you and opens their laptop. “Ready, President?” [[“Yes?”]] [[“Uhhh ready for what?”]]

“Hey I think you might have mistaken me for somebody else?” You take off your sunglasses and grin awkwardly.The suit looks at you, confused. “Boss, we don’t have time for this.” [[Keep trying to explain.]] [[Get in the car.]]

“No really, I’m not whoever you think I am. I work at a service station. I’m not the boss of anyone.” The person who snuck out for a cigarette walks back to the car and gets in. The suit looks at you, then them, and back to you. Then they roll up the window and drive away. Go to [[work.|work3]]

You arrive at work. Your boss sees you in the suit, and chuckles. “You know, we do have a uniform. And this doesn’t mean you get out of cleaning.” They don’t seem mad about it though. Or the fact that the doppelganger kerfuffle has made you ten minutes late. Sweet. Time to [[clean the store]] I guess. [[Ask your boss]] why they’re in such a good mood?

The intern laughs and says, “Very funny, let’s go.” They then start quizzing you. As a government, it’s important to be strong, in control, and invulnerable. [[Strongly Agree.|Q2]] [[Agree.|Q2]] [[Neutral.|Q2]] [[Disagree.|Q2]] [[Strongly Disagree.|Q2]]

I would like a red truck. [[Yes please.|Q18]] [[I would prefer a blue one.|Q18]]

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. [[Our public healthcare systems should include dental and optometry.|Q19]] [[If your teeth fall out you can leave them under the pillow for the tooth fairy and with the renumeration maybe you can afford dental in the future.|Q19]]

Abstract art that doesn’t represent anything shouldn’t be considered art at all. [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/8mjS8kV.png" /></a>|Next]][[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/b94ZnoR.png" /></a>|Next2.1]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: The first image is a spiky orange scribble, the second is a blue swirly scribble. They both look like they have been drawn in paint. You can click on them.*]

Apparently that was the last question. Phew. You hope you’ve passed whatever very weird test this has been. The intern nods and looks pleased, and turns their laptop to face you. It’s... a picture of a weird eagle desk ornament. (align:"===><====")[<a href="https://imgur.com/lM2maUR"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/lM2maUR.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" width="360" height="480" /></a>] [[Look confused.|Next2]] [[“Ah, I see.”|Next2]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A golden statue with a big eagle head at the top, and small fish down the bottom.*]

“Look, it’s not the desktop ornament I would personally choose, if I was president. I think I'd go more for...” The intern trails off, blushing. “Unless you like it! You could add it to your pinterest board? And you don’t need to have an ornament really until the beginning of the conference next week!” Turns out you’ve been sweating over a Buzzfeed quiz: ‘Respond to these questions and we’ll choose you a desk ornament that matches your personality and backs up your political stance.’ If you can’t even handle the pressure of a Buzzfeed quiz about office decor, then how are you supposed to pretend to be the president of something? You’ve got to get out of here - you lean forward to talk to the driver - “Hey, so I know this is awkward, but I - I think I left some, uh, important documents at the cafe. Can we go back?” Everyone rolls their eyes at you, and the driver turns the car around and starts heading back to the cafe. When you get there, you get out and run. You see your doppelganger sitting outside and eating a croissant. You ignore the confused yells from the suits. You’re out of here. You run away from this implausible tangent you’ve found yourself on and resolve to try and participate more in politics on your local level. Click [[here]] to see a guide on writing a letter to your MP. Maybe you'll see if your friends want to write letters together when you meet up with them later for [[zoom drinks.]]

(align: "=><==========")[<div class="leftcolumn"> <style> #container {margin: 0px auto; width: 300px; height: 200px; border: 0px #333 solid;} #videoElement {width: 300px; height: 200px; background-color: #666;} </style> <div id="container"><video autoplay="true" id="videoElement"></video></div><script>var video = document.querySelector("#videoElement"); if (navigator.mediaDevices.getUserMedia){navigator.mediaDevices.getUserMedia({ video: true }).then(function (stream) {video.srcObject = stream;}).catch(function (err0r) {console.log("Something went wrong!");});}</script> <img src="https://i.imgur.com/k1nFsYF.gif" title="source: imgur.com" width="300" height="200" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen/></a></iframe></div><div class="rightcolumn"> {} <img src="https://i.imgur.com/OTEdvug.gif" title="source: imgur.com" width="300" height="200" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen></a></iframe> <img src="https://i.imgur.com/ZgC9eJI.gif" title="source: imgur.com" width="300" height="200" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen></a></iframe> </div>] <a href="https://soundcloud.com/user-921740285/survive-the-apocalplyse-theme-instrumental-by-ribs" target="_blank"rel="noopener">Play some background music?</a> You join the zoom meeting, quickly adjusting your hair in the video preview. All your friends are there - including some new ones. You love them and you miss being in the same room as them. You miss breathing normally, and not worrying, and not having the impulse to hoard tp every time you see it. Everyone cheers, tapping your glasses and cans to the webcam, all out of sync. You sit on your couch happily, watching your friends chat. Change zoom background to [[coral reef.]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A set of gifs positioned to look like four windows of a zoom chat, one which connects to the players computer camera. One gif shows Rhiannon in a colourful shirt raising a glass of wine to the chat, another shows Michelle in a orange jumper and headphones doing a little wave and raising her glass of wine, and the third shows Riley (a young grey merle border collie) looking forwards and to the side while sitting on a couch.*]

You rearrange the toilet paper but there’s the wrong number of packs to make a satisfying pyramid. You make a throne instead and sit down on it. It’s pretty nice. But… what’s left on that to-do list? [[Restock the fridge.|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]] Nah… [[Call your grandparents?|BABA AND YAYA THREAD]]

Great. The glove is now your pet turkey and his name is Mister Gobbles. It’s important to have a bit of fun, you say to yourself wisely. You take a picture of Mister Gobbles and text it to your friend. Your friend replies: ‘Hahahah looks like work is fun. Want to come over tonight?’ [[Okay!]] I’ll have to stay outside and far away though, I’ve just had a run in with an anti-masker. [[Take a raincheck.]]

You mosey on over to the drinks fridge and grab yourself a choccy milk, glen 20 the top and take a sip. It tastes like lemon fresh. Yuck. You head out back to get more stock - orange juice, ice coffee, that new ‘antibacterial, immune boosting water’ that’s trying too hard to corner the pandemic market... You’re slotting them into the fridge when a customer walks in. They’re struggling to breathe, purple blisters around the corners of their mouth. They’re clearly sick. You start to tell to leave - “Sorry, you’ve gotta go, we can’t serve people who are -” They continue walking towards you. “I’m really sorry, but you can’t be in here -” You start to panic. If they get any closer it is highly likely you will be infected. [[Run away]] to the back of the shop. [[Kill them.]]

They reply: ‘Of course! We can sit out the back.’ You reply: ‘Perfect, thanks!’ Then add, ‘I’ll bring some soggy fruit for the chooks, and dinner!’ You spend the rest of the day disinfecting surfaces, and thinking about the apocalypse. Isn't it funny how you just now learned the difference between cleaning and sanitizing? Actually, there's so many new words that are just part of everyday conversation... Air Quality Index, PPE... You also plan for various contingency spaghetti recipes in case you can't find what you want at the shops. [[Let's go shopping.|SPAGHETTI]]

‘Yeah, fair enough :/ At least let me swing by your work, I’ll bring you some fresh eggs. The chooks are going off!’ You have such great friends. You and Mister Gobbles put most of the sad fruit in a box for your friend’s chooks, and leave it outside. On second thought, you spray Mister Gobbles liberally with Glen 20 and put him in the box too. When your friend arrives, they blow a kiss through the glass, and then take the box, leaving two dozen eggs. Okay! Now, what else is left on that to-do list... [[Restock the drinks fridge|APOCALYPSE VILLAIN]]

You skedaddle to the back of the store. You sit in a ball on the floor and assess the situation. Okay, maybe you overreacted a bit. They probably just needed to get some supplies, and didn’t have anyone to go on a shopping trip for them. [[Go back out]] there and see what they need. [[Hide here]] a bit longer.

Do you use the shotgun (which appeared last week on the shelf under the cigarette cabinet), or the hunting knife which you put in the pocket of your pants this morning? [[Shotgun.]] [[Hunting Knife.]]

You pull the shotgun from behind the counter, and aim it at their face. Bam. Kill shot. Little gooey bits of grey matter splatter out the back of their head. If this site wasn’t contaminated before it definitely is now. [[Call the government hotline,]] and request a clean up squad. [[Leg it.]]

You fumble in your attempt to get the knife out of your pocket. The customer gets closer. You’re too late. They sneeze on you. You ram your knife into the side of their neck. Blood starts spouting everywhere. They fall to the floor. They’ll be dead in minutes. [[Call the government hotline,]] and request a clean up squad. [[Leg it.]]

You put on your mask, googles, gloves, and cautiously open the door to the main shop. No one’s there. You go up to the storefront window and look out. You see the customer walking away with a two litre bottle of water and a packet of chippies. There’s a ten dollar note on the counter. You feel a bit bad about how you handled the situation. You wonder if maybe you should go after them? [[Go after them]] - maybe you can help. [[Have an angry rant]] in your brain about your boss and the government not having better protocols to keep essential workers safe, and putting you in this shitty position, and capitalism. [[Stay inside]] and clean the store.

You go into the bathroom, and sit down on the closed toilet lid. You put you head in you hands. You think that maybe you should finally get an apocalypse haircut, aka a number one. You're tired from dealing with this stuff everyday. You wish you could go on a holiday. Okay, time to [[get back out|Go back out]] there.

You run outside - you’ve lost them. Hopefully they’ve just gone home again? [[Go back inside|Stay inside]] and clean the store.

It’s fucked hey? [[Clean the store.|Stay inside]]

You spray the ten dollar note with disinfectant and shove it in the till. You wipe down every area of the shop that you can possibly think of that they might have touched or breathed on in their journey to get a bottle of water and a packet of chippies. Ahhh. That, clean, disinfectant, tang. It's weird, so weird, you thought about killing that person. You wonder if you should go see a therapist. Man, this apocalypse business is messing with your brain. You also wonder if you should go home and self isolate - probably - but it seems like every second customer is either sick, or gleefully diesobeying the safety precautions. What are you supposed to do? You decide you'll go get tested after work. You go back to stocking the drinks fridge, when a customer walks in, and asks you about bleach. They’re wearing fully Mad-Max style assless chaps. It’s definately a lewk. You're a bit envious. There’s no bleach on the shelves but you’re pretty sure there’s some out the back. [[Ask “how do you]] keep the dust out of your butt crack?” [[Say that you’ll]] “just pop out back and see if there’s any bleach.”

You get to the shops. It’s pretty busy. You head to the pasta section, doing your best to give everyone their space. The shelves are pretty bare. There’s only two types of pasta left. [[Red lentil penne.]] [[Lasagna sheets.]]

You call the line. The line’s engaged. You try again. You can’t get through. [[Leg it.]]

Your boss has heard the commotion. He runs out of the back room. He sees the customer, dead, on the floor, the weapon in your hands. “What the - what -” Your boss is speechless - they can’t quite form full sentences and expel them from their mouth. They keep looking between you and the body. [[Stay and try]] and explain the situation to your boss. I said [[LEG IT!!!|LEG IT.]]

You try to defend yourself - “Look, they were coming at me, I told them to leave and they wouldn’t!! I don’t wanna get sick!” “So you, you killed them!!?!” Your boss suddenly seems to comprehend that you’re still gripping your weapon. They slowly start to raise their hands and back away from you. [[Threaten your boss.]] C’MON F*CKIN’ [[LEG IT.]]

You raise your weapon and slowly walk towards your boss. “They were sick. I cannot get sick. If anyone asks, you don’t know what happened here. You were on break. Someone else was working today, you were training a new employee, I don't care, but this doesn’t come back to me.” [[Leg it|LEG IT.]] now please?

You grab your gear, and run out of the shop. You notice a red four wheel drive parked outside. It’s empty. [[Take the 4WD.]] [[Continue on foot.]]

You open the door of the car. The keys have been left in the ignition. You start up the car. You’re good to go. As you drive down the street you see one of them. An infected. A walking contagion. The sight of them makes you want to vomit. You veer onto the footpath. Smack. Middle of the bull bar. Their bones crunch under the wheels. You reverse back and forth over them a few times for good measure. Your wheels slip a bit from all the guts and blood and whatever other goo humans are made out of. All this action has made you hungry. You better get some food in you. Go to [[the grocery store.|the grocery store2]]. [[Go home.]]

You jog down the street. It’s empty. You’re tired, hungry. You need to refuel. The grocery store’s just around the corner. Go to [[the grocery store.]]

As you turn the corner to the store, you see one of them. An infected. A walking contagion. The sight of them makes you want to vomit. You look around for a weapon. This [[lawn flamingo]] looks good. How about this [[broken bit of clothesline?]]

You grab the lawn flamingo. Sure, it’s a cheap garden ornament, but that beak is sharp. When wielded with enough force… you hit them. The pink plastic splinters. Their skin splits. You hit them again. Blood starts to burst through. You hit them again, and again, and again. Their body is mangled - and the blood makes everything kinda pink. Not unlike a flamingo. Continue to [[the grocery store.|the grocery store2]]

You pick up the piece of clothesline. You sneak up behind them. You lift the clothesline over their head, and pull it back, hard against their throat. They resist, grabbing feebly at their neck. You hold tight. You can feel the life leaving their body, with a few pathetic gurgles. They fall to the ground. Continue to [[the grocery store.|the grocery store2]]

You get to the grocery store. You go inside. It’s an utter shit show. It’s crowded, there’s no respect for individual space, and about ten percent of the customers aren’t wearing proper PPE. And they’re sick. Short of breath, lethargic, purple blisters around their mouths. Their groans echo through the store. It’s fucking disgusting. You go to the drinks fridge. You just want to get some orange juice, get some vit C in you. You pick up a bottle. You hear a cough behind you. Fuck this fucking shit. That [[fridge|fridge2]] looks awfully heavy. Lure them to [[the deli section.]]

As you pull into your driveway, you see your neighbour outside. They’re watering broccoli they’re growing in their front garden. You stop to say hey... when you notice. The purple blisters. Fuck. Go get [[your chainsaw]] out of your shed. Pick up [[a pot plant.]]

You get the chainsaw. You walk towards your neighbour. They look confused. You start up the chainsaw. They stumble away from you, but it’s too late. You force the chainsaw through their neck. It’s thicker, tougher than you imagined. You sever their spine, their head separates from their body. You realise they’ve pissed themself. This killing business is pretty fucking messy. You should remember to pick up some wet wipes. You pick up your neighbour’s decapitated head and place it on their mailbox. You're still hungry, better go to [[the shops.|the grocery store2]]

You pick up a pot plant from your front porch. It’s full of different succulent cuttings. It was a gift from your Mum. You walk over to your neighbour. You bring the pot plant down on their head. You bring it down again, and again, till their skull caves in. You’ve bludgeoned them to death. You take a moment to replant the succulents in the ground. You hope the organic matter will help the plants thrive. Blood and bone right? You're still hungry, better go to [[the shops.|the grocery store2]]

You turn to the infected, “Hey, would you mind showing me where I can get some salami?” “Yeah sure, you just go through here -” They start walking out of the aisle walking towards the back of the store where the deli is. You grab their hair and throw them over the deli’s counter. You jump over after them. There’s a meat mincer on the bench. You shove their hand through it. Just for fun. Bits of flesh start to push through the other side. You wonder what humans would taste like in bolognese. You grab a butcher's knife off the bench and start to hack through their throat. Man, necks are really tough to get through. Who knew? [[Kill another infected.]]

You open your juice and chuck it in their eyes. While they’re distracted you grab the fridge, and drag it out from the wall. You get behind it and shove. Squish. The full weight of a hundred kilo refrigerator cabinet and an assortment of cool drinks presses down upon their body. Bits of them ooze out from underneath it. [[Kill another infected.]]

Customers are screaming, trying to run away. You grab an abandoned shopping trolley and start ramming it into shoppers as they flee. You’re not even bothering to check if they’re sick or not anymore. They’re all transmitters. You get out your shotgun and take aim... [[Another!!!]]

You reload your gun. This fucking contagion! It’s spreading and it’s up to you to stop it. Yeah, yeah sure, you still care about the disease! You’ll kill everyone in this fucking grocery store if you fucking have to. [[Shoot every last one]] of them.

BANG ABNG BANG BANNG BANG BANG BANG ABNG BANG BANG BANG BANG ABNG BANG BANG BANG YOU’RE A MACHINE YOU’RE INCREDIBLE THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO YOU’RE THE FUCKING MESIAH YOU’RE A GENIUS YOU’VE SOLVED THE PANDEMIC FUCK IT UP FUCK EVERYTHING UP BANG BAANGG BANG ABNG BANG BANG BANG oh. i think they’re all dead now. Go [[get some juice.]]

You get some orange juice and some barbeque shapes. You hear a voice - “Hey hey stop that!” What? You thought everyone was dead. You realise the voice is coming from inside you? Or from...? Is this your conscience talking? Is this God?! Is God two mid-twenties females? [[Listen to the voice.|L1]] [[The voice is quite loud|L1]] and persistent and you really don’t have a choice.

“Wait a minute. Ok, so I think we need a little pause.” “What are you doing? Seriously, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” “I know all you’ve really done is click on the options that we’ve provided you. I know this is a choose your own adventure that has little to no concrete ramifications in your everyday life but... seriously? Make better chooses - wait - choices. Stop it!!!” “These people, they’re sick, but they’re still people. It’s not like they’re zombies or something. It’s supposed to be the world vs. the virus, not you vs. the world. This isn’t some shoot it up apocalypse fantasy. In my house, we don’t other people just because they’re sick. We treat them with kindness and compassion. Read [[your homework]] and do better.”

You reach for the red lentil penne at the same time as another customer. They look tired. “Please, my kid’s got Celiac disease.” [[Let them have]] the lentil pasta. [[Grab it]] for yourself.

You pick up the lasagna sheets. Hmmm. Maybe it can be bolognese lasagna? They’re kinda the same thing in different shapes. You see another customer struggling to reach the lentil penne - it’s right up the top. They're kinda looking at you like they want you to help. [[Help them]] get it down. [[Go get]] the bolognese ingredients.

You pick up the lasagna sheets. Hmmm. Maybe it can be bolognese lasagna? They’re kinda the same thing in different shapes. What type of bolognese do you wanna make? [[Lentils,]] I think. [[Mince,]] please.

Do you even like lentil pasta? Ok. What type of bolognese do you wanna make? [[Lentils,|lentils2]] I think. [[Mince,|mince2]] please.

You go to the canned vegetables aisle. Lentils are also in pretty short supply. There’s one can left. Before you get to it, a hand reaches out and grabs it. It’s the customer from the lentil pasta incident. They smile. “You can have it - we’ll be okay without.” They hand you the can. Have you got everything you need? More [[bolognese ingredients!]] [[I might just]] check if there’s any tp - I don’t really need it, but this hoarding makes me nervous.

You go to the meat section. Mince is also in pretty short supply. There’s one packet left. Before you get to it, a hand reaches out and grabs it. It’s the customer you from the lentil pasta incident. They smile. “You can have it - we can have steak instead.” They hand you the mince. Have you got everything you need? More [[bolognese ingredients!]] [[I might just]] check if there’s any tp - I don’t really need it, but all this hoarding makes me nervous.

You go to the meat section. Mince is also in pretty short supply. There’s one packet left. Before you get to it, a hand reaches out and grabs it. It’s the customer from the lentil pasta incident. They glare at you and push their trolley away. No mince for you. Try get some [[lentils?|mince?]]

You get to the toilet paper section. Two customers are fighting over the last packet. [[Try to break up]] the fight, maybe suggest they buy it together, then split the packet? [[Take advantage]] of the chaos to try and snatch it for yourself.

You go the fruit and veggie section. You grab some: [[Tomatos?]]

Nice! How about an: [[Onion?]]

Excellent! Some: [[Garlic?]]

Yummo! How about some: [[Mushrooms, carrot, green caps?]]

Sweet! You've got some herbs, spices, and tomato paste at home, so maybe just some cheese? Your [[regular cheddar.|cheese]] [[Fancy parmesan,|cheese]] please.

You pay for your goods, and head home. That was a bit of a chaotic shopping trip, but it turned out okay. You get home. You put on some food prep gloves and start cooking the meal. You use some herbs from your recently started garden. You decide to slice your cooked lasagna sheets in strips to make them kinda noodle-ish. It’s a weird dish but it tastes yum. You pack it in two tupperware containers. Head to [[your friends house.]]

Your friend yells to you from their porch - “Heyyy, so good to see you! Come round the back, we can sit out there!” You walk round the side to the backyard. You sit on the grass three metres apart. You share your pasta and chat about your day. Your friend tells you that they think the lasagna sheet noodles are almost like fettuccine? They tell you about a door-to-door sales person who tried to sell them a very expensive bottle of hand sanitizer. “Like seriously, some free-market douchebag, at my door, in the middle of a fucking pandemic!” You watch the sunset together. You give their chickens the old fruit from work. Their cat headbuts you, in demand for pats. (You happily comply). They give you some lemon butter they made from eggs from their chooks, and lemons from their neighbour's tree. They also give you another pasta recipie to try out (if you can find the ingredients). You head home. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/NBHps5g.jpg?1" title="source: imgur.com" width="724" height="954"> Your friend invites to [[zoom drinks|zoom drinks.]] later that week. (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A photo of a recipe notebook, with a handwritten recipe for Pasta with Tuna, Chilli, Tomatoes, & Parsley. The recipe reads - serves: 4. Cooking time: roughly 30 minutes. Ingredients: 400g long pasta, 4 tomatoes (chopped), 2 tbsp olive oil, 2 tbsp flat leaf parsley, 2 large garlic cloves (minced), ¼ cup of shaved parmesan. ¼ tsp chilli flakes, zest and juice of 1 lemon, 425g can of tuna (in springwater). Method: 1. Cook pasta in a large pot of boiling water according to packet instructions. 2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a frypan over low heat. Add minced garlic, chilli & lemon zest & gently cook, stirring, for 2-3 mins until softened. Season with salt and pepper, then add tuna & tomato, increase heat to medium & cook, stirring, for 2-3mins heated through. 3. Drain pasta reserving ⅓ of a cup of cooking water. Return pasta & cooking water to the pan with tuna mixture, adding also the lemon juice & parsley (chopped). Stir over low heat for 1 min or until combined & heated through. 4. Serve pasta topped with parmesan.*]

You try and get between them. “Hey! Can you stop? HEY!” The two customers pause. They look a little embarrassed.. “How about you go to the checkout and buy it together and then... split the packet?” They don’t look like they trust each other enough for this plan to work, but they agree for now. You don’t know if they’ll live up to this agreement, but hey, you tried. You should get some more [[bolognese ingredients.|bolognese ingredients!]]

You reach in to try and get your hands on that sweet sweet tp. Instead, you get an elbow to the eye. One of the customers takes advantage of the distraction, grabs the packet and runs. No tp for you. Time to [[go home?]]

You pay for your goods, and head home. You’re pretty grumpy to be honest. Just trying to buy basic supplies is such a headache. You forget to get most of bolognese ingredients. Your meal’s gonna taste shit. You start to cook your pasta. You’re in a mood and don’t really want to hang out with your friend anymore. You message them saying you’ll have to postpone. You eat your pasta by yourself, and watch some tv. It’s soggy and tastes like ketchup. It’s fine I guess. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

By the time you get there, there’s none left. I guess it’s just pasta and sauce. Anything else you want to try and get before you leave the shops? Gotta get some [[more ingredients!]] [[I might just|I might2]] check if there’s any tp - I don’t really need it, but this hoarding makes me nervous that i won't be able to get any in the future.

You go the fruit and veggie section. You grab some: [[Tomatos?|Tomatos2]]

You get to the toilet paper section. Two customers are fighting over the last packet. [[Try to break up|try to 2]] the fight, maybe suggest they buy it together, then split the packet? [[Take advantage]] of the chaos to try and snatch it for yourself.

You try and get between them. “Hey! Can you stop? HEY!” They pause. “How about you go to the checkout and buy it together, and then... split the packet?” One of the customers takes advantage of the distraction, grabs the packet and runs away. The other one tells you to go fuck yourself. No tp for you. Can I go [[home now?|go home?]]

Nice! How about an: [[Onion?|onion2]]

Excellent! Some: [[Garlic?|garlic2]]

Yummo! How about some: [[Mushrooms, carrot, green caps?|mushroom2]]

Sweet! You've got some herbs, spices, and tomato paste at home, so maybe just some cheese? Your [[regular cheddar.|cheese2]] [[Fancy parmesan,|cheese2]] please.

You pay for your goods, and head home. You’re pretty grumpy to be honest. Just trying to buy basic supplies is such a headache. Your food should be tasty though. You start to cook your pasta. You don’t really want to hang out with your friend anymore. You're tired. You message them saying you’ll have to postpone. You eat your pasta by yourself, and watch some tv. It’s fine I guess. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

They say thanks, and push their trolley away to continue shopping. Cool. What type of bolognese do you wanna make? [[Lentils,]] I think. [[Mince,]] please.

Okay. What type of bolognese do you wanna make? [[Lentils,|lentils2]] I think. [[Mince,|mince2]] please.

Your boss, just smiles and says, “I just feel that change is in the air.” You think it’s a pretty dumb quote to use, considering the AQI is still dreadful. But if your boss wants to be mysterious, they can go ahead and be mysterious. “Aren’t you supposed to be cleaning?” Yeah, yeah, [[start cleaning the store.|clean the store]]

You get home. You realise your boss was probably stealing stock. You wonder if you should do something about it. But tbh, you're tired. You know you were lucky to have a job, but being an essential worker in the apocalypse is draining af, and you're a tiny bit relieved you don't have to deal with it anymore. You guess you'll have to [[apply to Centerlink?]]

“Good morning, welcome to the Centrelink employment services line. Please tell us your customer reference number, if you have one. You may know this as your customer access number.” You scramble to bring up the note on your phone that has your customer reference number in it. Hopefully it’s not too late: [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL1]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL1.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, please tell me your customer access number, including the letter at the end. If you don’t have one, say I don’t have one.” [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL2]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL.1.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, I still didn’t understand. Please tell me your customer access number. If you’re not sure what to do, say more information.” [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL3]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL2.mp3" autoplay>

“Now, please enter your six digit pin, or say you don’t have one.” [[“I don’t have one.”|CL4]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL3.mp3" autoplay>

“I think you said, I don’t have a pin. Is that correct?” [[“Yes.”|CL5]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL4.mp3" autoplay>

“As I didn’t get a pin from you, I need to check your customer access number. The number you gave me is 43 705273 J Is that right?” [[“No.”|CL6]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL5.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, was that your customer access number? Please say yes or no.” [[“Yes.”|CL7]] [[“No.”|CL7]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL6.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, I still didn’t understand. I’ve got 43705273J. Is that your customer access number? Please say yes or no.” [[“Yes.”|CL7]] [[“No.”|CL8]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL7.mp3" autoplay>

“Alright, please tell me your customer access number.” [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL9]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL8.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, I still didn’t understand. Please tell me your customer access number. If you’re not sure what to do, say more information.” [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL10]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL9.mp3" autoplay>

“Now, please enter your six digit pin, or say you don’t have one.” [[“I don’t have one.”|CL11]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL10.mp3" autoplay>

“I think you said, I don’t have a pin. Is that correct?” [[“Yes.”|CL12]] [[“No.”|CL12]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL11.mp3" autoplay>

“As I didn’t get a pin from you, I need to check your customer access number. The number you gave me is 43 705273 A. Is that right?” [[“No.”|CL13]] [[HANG UP.]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL12.mp3" autoplay>

“Sorry, was that your customer access number? Please say yes or no.” [[“Yes.”|CL14]] [[“No.”|CL14]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL13.mp3" autoplay>

You wish you had a flip phone so you could snap it shut. You press the hang up button and throw your phone down onto your bed. Oh well. You can try again tomorrow. You remember that you were invited you to a socially distanced, socially responsible, Zoom drinks this evening. Maybe that will cheer you up? Go to [[zoom drinks.]]

“Sorry, I still didn’t understand. I’ve got 43705273 A. Is that your customer access number? Please say yes or no.” [[“No.”|CL15]] JUST [[HANG UP.]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL14.mp3" autoplay>

“Alright, please tell me your customer access number.” [[“43 705 273 K.”|CL2]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/CL15.mp3" autoplay>

Okay. Yeah you've got this. You pull yourself together. Do you call Yaya at [[at home]] to say you've lost Baba? Head [[to the bakery|bakery2]] to see if Baba went to get some scones?

What kind of boss do you wanna be? A big bad [[take advantage of capitalism]] boss. I want to [[start a mutual aid group]] out the back of the servo.

Does this mean… you’re the boss now? Does this mean you can do what you want? Look, being the boss at a service station is not a lot of power, but it is more than you’ve had before, and you will 100% take what you can get. You think about the possibilities. Hahah fuck it, you think, gonna stockpile some fuel. That shit’s gonna be worth something when we run out. And you're in a unique position to take a bit off the top, ya know? Yeah you’ve watched Mad Max. You think about whether you’re more of an Immortan Joe or a Lord Humungus? Oooo maybe you should steal some water too. Look, you were all about “““being nice””” in your younger, more naive days, but fuck it, it’s the apocalypse, you might as well get rich and reap the rewards while you can. Exploit the desperate, baby! You go home, and pop a bottle of champers that you picked up to celebrate with. You drink it by yourself, and chomp on some stale crackers. You start to feel, is this emotion called 'lonliness'? But you push it deep down inside you. Not going to dwell on that. You go to bed. This is [[the end|THE END.]] for you, I guess.

Does this mean... you’re the boss now? Wow. You’ve never been the boss of anything before! Does this mean you can do what you want? That’s pretty cool - think of all the opportunities! A better playlist for one. But also, maybe helping people, helping your community? You think back through the last few days. You think about your friends, your family, all the kind strangers you’ve interacted with. What should you do with this place? (Besides, you know, continuing the service of providing the community with fuel and overpriced snacks). You look around the store, imagining what you could do with it. You could paint it yellow! You could get baked cookie scented air fresheners! You could bake actual cookies! You could start a mutual aid group out the back! I don’t know! The possibilities are endless! You grab your notebook and start to jot down a plan: <img src="https://i.imgur.com/NdTTQ7s.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" width="722.5" height="1006"> You pull out all the little bits of paper with phone numbers on them, that you’ve collected over the past few days, and start sending out messages... how about we get together for [[zoom drinks?|zoom drinks.]] I’ve got an idea. (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A photo of a page of sketchbook, with a pen and sticky notes, detailing a plan for a: Mutual Aid Group: To be run out the back of the servo. The written list reads in dot points: - share things we have excess of, and receive things that we need. - Help each other source things/ needs? - Homemade goods! (PPE?) donations? - Skills exchange? - Bike fixing workshop? - Old food -> animals, (chooks), compost. - Share hot tips for surviving the apocalypse! - Community garden? -> Cooking meals w. produce for those in need. Teaching how to preserve foods. - Socially distant gatterings. - Communicate -> Whatsapp? Notice board? Website? - List of people (happy to be) called? (eg. need supplies and are sick, transport). - Political/ Social action. It also contains a list of phone numbers, for Baba + Yaya, the Mechanic, TP customer, the Barista, and your friend with the chooks. There are a few doodles of a vase with flowers, some fruit and veggies, and some stars and a love heart.*]

You try and make it sound like you’re asking for a friend, but clearly the friend is you. They stare at you and you immediately regret what you now realise is a kind of intrusive question. Then, they burst out laughing. “Wish I knew babe... the secret is, it’s worth a bit of dust for the lewk.” Phew. [[Go out the back|Say that you’ll]] and check if there’s any bleach.

You rummage through some cartons and find what you’re looking for: bathroom mould killer - there’s bleach in that. You bring a bottle back to the counter as another person enters, looking frazzled. “My battery’s gone, anyone got a jump start?” You shake your head: you’re imagining some cables? But you definitely don’t own any. Plus you can't get your own car to start anymore, so you just have your bike. The chaps-wearer says, “Yeah no problem. I’m a mechanic, i’ll sort you out”. The customer looks apprehensive, then nods sharply. They both head outside. Your boss pops out - “It’s pretty quiet, you want a 5 minute break?” [[Pop outside]] and see how they’re going. [[Hide out back]] and avoid everyone for 5 minutes.

You go outside. Chaps-wearer has got the car started. They hand you their business card. You slip them a bottle of dish soap for their kind deed. This is what life’s about! The driver chugs off slowly, and chaps-wearer jumps into a ute. You spend the rest of the day fantasising about communities coming together in times of need. At the end of your shift, you go get tested (you're fine for now), and you wander home and happily watch a documentary about penguins until bed. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

You head out the back and into the bathroom, sitting down on the closed toilet lid. You notice the exhaust grate has come loose. [[Pry it open.]] [[Play on your phone.]]

You pry open the grate. Behind it are a bunch of bottles of dish soap and bleach, and, bizarrely, 10 blue gatorades and about 50 nerd ropes. You roll your eyes at what is clearly your boss’s apocalypse stash. You grab a nerd rope and much on it, and spend the rest of the day oscillating between hating on the idea of hoarding, and wishing you’d hoarded more pasta at the beginning of this whole thing. You spend the rest of the day doing more disinfecting. When your shift is over you go get tested (you're fine for now), and head home, eat some lentil gluten free spirals with tomato sauce and cheese, and go to bed a little bit mad. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

You watch a cute video of a puppy and spend the rest of the day doing more disinfecting and fantasizing about having a cute pet instead of some half dead plants. At the end of your shift you go get tested (you're fine for now), then trudge home and eat some crackers for dinner, dreaming about fresh fruits and vegetables and sunshine. Start the [[next day.|NEXT DAY]]

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/aTFPCKl.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] Hahah, that’s cute. [[Next.]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A gif which flashes through a bunch of different people (positioned as though they are on a video chat) one at a time. Some of the people just look at the camera, but one has a piece of toast, one has a rubber band ball, and one has a towel twisted over their hair. In the background there is bright blue water at the top, then a coral reef with tropical fish in front of it.*]

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/J0X4SJI.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] Haha, yeah, nice. [[Next.|Next.2]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A gif which has the same pictures of people flashing through. This time the background is the confessional, straight to camera set from The Office, which is a cream wall, with a window to an office with blinds, and Michael looking at for through the window.*]

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/aTFPCKl.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] There is something so relaxing about watching tropical fish. [[Next.|Next.3]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: The same gif as before, with the people and the coral reef in the background.*]

Okay, let’s unpack that: Climate change shifts the biogeographical distribution of species; that is, where animals can live. As human settlements encroach further on habitats, and wild animals appear in cities looking for resources, more contact between humans and animals will mean more potential for zoonosis - the transmission of diseases from humans to animals. Zoonosis is the source of almost all of the diseases responsible for historical epidemics and pandemics from the plague, to ebola, through swine-flu, SARS and MERS, and Covid-19. So, climate change and interconnected factors like habitat loss and factory farming, increase the likelihood of someone and transmitting catching the next pandemic disease. [[(Go back).|Next.3]]

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/onaLn6H.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] It's a very relatable meme. [[Next.|Next4]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A gif which has the same pictures of people flashing through. This time the background is from the meme which is a cartoon of a dog in their house which is on fire, saying ‘this is fine’.*]

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/Idpnh2e.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] Wild. [[Next.|Next5]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A gif which has the same pictures of people flashing through. This time the background is blue with a few pink and blue lines, and a picture of Joe Exotic in a blue sequin shirt posing with a big tiger on one side.*]

Thanks for playing! This work was created by Rhiannon Petersen and Michelle Aitken, with some Twine assitance from Tim Green, and theme music by Ribs. This creative development was supported by The Blue Room Theatre as part of their Winter Nights program. Click [[here|Intro]] if you'd like to go back to the beginning.

You bend down to look in the kitchen cupboard. Your heart is racing. Half a bag of pasta, some stock cubes, some dried chickpeas you’ll probably never make hummus out of... This is not good. You need to get some food - this is much more of a pressing problem now you can’t leave the house. Who do you call? [[Your Grandma.|loud voice]] [[Your boss.|loud voice]]

You dial the apocalypse hotline. You’re on hold, and you listen to PSAs about washing your hands, about centrelink bonuses, testing centres… You think about what you’re going to ask. Someone picks up the phone, and you: [[Say “Hi, I’m sick.|loud voice]] I’m at home, what do I need to know?” [[Start to cry.|loud voice]]

Something loud interrupts you: it’s a voice? Booming from above?? Or, on second thought, maybe it’s coming from inside your own head. Wow, you think, this must be the voice of the creators, Rhiannon and Michelle. You reflect on why you just assumed God was called ‘Rhiannon and Michelle.’ Weird... [[Stop what you’re doing.|loud voice3]] [[Ignore the voice.|loud voice2]]

The voice will not be ignored. It says: “Hey... pause for a sec. Being sick isn’t actually a pathway this adventure goes down. We briefly considered this option before we realised that this would mean offering some choices that would lead to recovery, and some that would lead to death. This would imply that dying of a pandemic disease is the result of a person making the ‘wrong choices’, when in reality the factors that set us down pathways towards recovery from illness, towards a longer and healthier life, are mostly out of our control, and in many cases, determined before we are born.” You’re not sure what the voice means by pathway, or adventure, [[but ok...]]

“The main determinants for life expectancy in Western Society are income, education, and access to social and healthcare services where you live. And, at risk of stating the obvious, people who earn more, are more educated, and live in better-serviced areas, are statistically more likely to be white. It's a complex web of interrelated factors, but the takeaway message is that by the time you have to make apocalypse themed choices like what hospital to go to, or whether to continue to attend your high risk casual job, the scope and quality of the available options is largely pre-determined by socio-ecological factors outside of your control.” “But for now, we’ll let you choose. Would you like to:” Exit the game and [[go read an interesting paper]] about the social determinants of health. Continue playing. We can assume [[you have recovered.]]

Wow... that was weird. Must be a hallucination. You resign yourself to getting some rest in self-quarantine, hoping things don’t get too bad. It goes okay - you’re bored and scared but eventually you start to feel less sick. You go to bed one evening, two weeks later, hopeful that the next morning you will finally feel okay. The next day you join your friends for [[zoom drinks.]]

|passage1)[(align: '===><===')[(transition: "dissolve")[¡¡Survive the Apocalypse!!]]] |passage2)[(align: '===><===')[(transition: "dissolve")[A choose-your-own-adventure by Rhiannon Petersen and Michelle Aitken.]]] |passage3)[(align: '===><===')[(transition: "dissolve")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/EoqnB4M.png" title="source: imgur.com" width="562" height="376" /></a>]]] |passage8)[(transition: "dissolve")[Click <a href="https://soundcloud.com/user-921740285/sets/survive-the-apocalypse-theme" target="_blank"rel="noopener">here</a> to play the theme song!!]] |passage4)[(transition: "dissolve")[This is a creative development as part of The Blue Room Theatre's Winter Nights program. And we would like to acknowledge that this work was created on the land of the Whadjuk peoples of the Noongar nation, and pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging. Sovereignty was never ceded.]] |passage5)[(transition: "dissolve")[Also a content warning: this work contains strong language and graphic descriptions of violence.]] |passage6)[(transition: "dissolve")[Click [[here|Day 1]] to begin.]] |passage7)[(transition: "dissolve")[(css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A tacky photoshop collage featuring two mid-twenties females (aka Michelle and Rhiannon) posing with exaggerated smiles and expressions of ‘oh no’ on their faces. There is also a bin on fire, a toaster on fire, and a fire extinguisher on fire, and a stock photo image of fire repeated in the background.*]]] <audio src="https://storageforsta.imfast.io/2.Survive%20The%20Apocalypse%20Short%20Theme%20-%20RIBS.mp3" autoplay> {(live: 1s)[  (show: ?passage1)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 4s)[  (show: ?passage2)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 8s)[  (show: ?passage3)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 10s)[  (show: ?passage8)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 20s)[  (show: ?passage4)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 25s)[  (show: ?passage5)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 36s)[  (show: ?passage6)  (stop:) ]} {(live: 8s)[  (show: ?passage7)  (stop:) ]}

<img src="https://i.imgur.com/XxCPVvc.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" width="738.75" height="1005.75"> Want to go to [[zoom drinks|zoom drinks.]] now? (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A photo of writing on a green notepad with yellow highlights, and doodles of envelopes. It reads: Our friends’ friends’ tips for writing a letter to your MP. 1) Downplay how politically active you are if you are an activist. They're less worried about people who were already radical-leftie-types, but are terrified of the 'quiet Australians' (read - not currently politically engaged Australians) becoming active, and will pay more attention to letters from people who they think are swing voters/middle ground. 2) Have you ever written a personal letter to your MP before? If not, mention this. (Don’t lie though, they have all your correspondence on file!) If you've never been moved enough to write a letter, but this issue has dragged you into being active they will be unsettled and take notice. 3) Have you talked about this with other people at a non-political gathering? Your book club? Sports team? Workplace? Mention this. (It’s a drawcard that people who could be ‘quiet australians’ are talking about it). 4) Writing to your own MP is most effective. They tend to take little notice of people outside their electorate. 5) Mention that their stance on this particular issue will affect how you will vote in the next election. 6) Ask them a direct question eg. ‘What is your personal stance...’ or ‘What policy changes are your party considering given recent events?’ You will be more likely to get a reply, which means you’ve made an impact. 7) Rumours that snail mail is more effective than email are untrue - they’re not obliged to reply to either, so a personal email is just as good!*]

The voice says: “Hey... pause for a sec. Being sick isn’t actually a pathway this adventure goes down. We briefly considered this option before we realised that this would mean offering some choices that would lead to recovery, and some that would lead to death. This would imply that dying of a pandemic disease is the result of a person making the ‘wrong choices’, when in reality the factors that set us down pathways towards recovery from illness, towards a longer and healthier life, are mostly out of our control, and in many cases, determined before we are born.” You’re not sure what the voice means by pathway, or adventure, [[but ok...]]

Abstract art that doesn’t represent anything shouldn’t be considered art at all. [[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/8mjS8kV.png" /></a>|Next2.2]][[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/b94ZnoR.png" /></a>|Next2.3]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: The first image is a spiky orange scribble, the second is a blue swirly scribble. They both look like they have been drawn in paint. You can click on them.*]

Apparently that was the last question. Phew. You hope you’ve passed whatever very weird test this has been. The intern nods and looks pleased, and turns their laptop to face you. It’s... a picture of a weird desk ornament sculpture thing. (align:"===><====")[<a href="https://imgur.com/vvY1D10"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/vvY1D10.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" width="400" height="400" /></a>] [[Look confused.|Next2]] [[“Ah, I see.”|Next2]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A squiggly, loopy red sculpture, kind of shaped like it’s an award for something.*]

Apparently that was the last question. Phew. You hope you’ve passed whatever very weird test this has been. The intern nods and looks pleased, and turns their laptop to face you. It’s... a picture of a fish tank. (align:"==><===")[<a href="https://imgur.com/DP6qq69"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/DP6qq69.jpg?1" title="source: imgur.com" width="423" height="376.5"/></a>] [[Look confused.|Next2]] [[“Ah, I see.”|Next2]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A small rectangular fish tank, which holds a green and orange plants, a branch, peebles, and some tiny stripey fish.*]

Apparently that was the last question. Phew. You hope you’ve passed whatever very weird test this has been. The intern nods and looks pleased, and turns their laptop to face you. It’s... a picture of a minature desk ornament zen garden? (align:"=><=====")[<a href="https://imgur.com/2UCw6y4"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/2UCw6y4.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" width="600" height="337.5"/></a>] [[Look confused.|Next2]] [[“Ah, I see.”|Next2]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: A miniature version of a sand zen garden with a rake.*]

(goto-url:"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqHSMNL0NU&list=PLbTrrmEKJwPMGlpZWwax5sMeWJKMdq0fR&index=2&t=0s")

So we wanted to include Susan Sontag's essay *Illness as Metaphor*, which examines how language and the use of metaphor shapes how we interact with and percieve illness. (It's not faultless, but it's been an important work in developing our understanding of the discourse around disease). However, it's quite long, so we have included links to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1971179/" target="_blank"rel="noopener">a summary,</a> as well as to a pdf of <a href="https://monoskop.org/images/4/4a/Susan_Sontag_Illness_As_Metaphor_1978.pdf" target="_blank"rel="noopener">the essay.</a> [[THE END.]]

One of your friends is talking about some cinnamon scrolls they’ve made. You start to think about how the apocalypse involves way more baking than you expected. You’d expect the end times to have less sourdough than usual? But nope. You think about how no apocalypse movies got this right, really. Or, any of it. There’s been no pivotal moment cleaving the before times from the present; no massive transformation of character. Everything is so bad and yet so terribly, awfully mundane. Change zoom background to [[the background from the office.]]

You think about how your survival is pretty inexplicable from the survival of your friends, your community, and the environment you all live in. You think about wealth inequality and how much money Jeff Bezos has made off of the pandemic. Wait. Who? You’re really not sure where this thought came from. Is Jeff Bezos part of this choose your own adventure universe? WhAT?? Anyway, change zoom background back to [[coral reef.|Coral reef 2]]

You think about how just, like, there was no life changing rift between normal life and life now, and that the apocalypse doesn’t have an end date. Things are definitely going back to normal - or - at least returning to an equilibrium. In case things aren’t clear, you’ve been navigating through a world where catastrophic bushfires (very possible, as we know, and exacerbated by climate change), and the destruction and erosion of the land, has created a 1930’s American dust bowl effect. This is happening at the same time as a pandemic (very possible, as we know, and [[made more probable by climate change]]). You know, a totally wild, made up scenario. There’s a possibility that from this point until the end of your life, things will only slowly get worse. You don’t know what to do except keep looking after your friends, working at the service station, and buying coffee from the cafe on the corner. Change your zoom background to [[the meme where you're a dog]] and your house is on fire.

You think about how for First Nations peoples across the world, the apocalypse has already happened. Change zoom background to [[a pic with joe exotic.]]

Maybe there’s no end date. Maybe the apocalypse isn't one big inciting incident, but more of a slow, gradual erosion. Change the zoom background back to [[coral reef|something.]] again.

(align:"=><======")[<img src="https://i.imgur.com/aTFPCKl.gif" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>] That's better. [[Next.|Next6]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[*ID: The same gif again, with the people and the coral reef in the background.*]

So, I guess we keep having zoom drinks. I guess we keep doing live streamed quiz nights. That we keep trying to grow cabbage. Sharing pasta sauce recipes. Doing lots of crafts. And that we keep fighting for the things that make everything a bit better for everyone. Look after yourself friends. Look after each other. We’ll see you soon. Love Rhiannon and Michelle. [[THE END.]]

(goto-url:"https://www.healthpromotion.org.au/images/ottawa_charter_hp.pdf")